I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
