you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
