i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
