I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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