All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
