I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
