I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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