I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
