I got chris browned last night
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
