your thong is hanging out like whoa
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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