I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
