There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
