We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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