We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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