you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
