guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
