Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
