So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
