Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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