It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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