I just made out with a guy for $7.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
