1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
