I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
