I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
