I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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