11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
