Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
