Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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