Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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