Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
