I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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