I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
