Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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