we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
