you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need moral support for this bender
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
