where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
