Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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