Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
