Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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