and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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