it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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