Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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