I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
