i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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