I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
