You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
