new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
