mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
