hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I supernannyed him into submission
Drunk is a universal language darling
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
