I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
