I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
