I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
