You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
