i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
