i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
