you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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