Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
