shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she told me i tasted like america
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
