theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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