I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
