wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
